Dan to me: Here’s a question: What do you think we pick up the most of….
Me: (interrupting) Water bottles!
Me: (interrupting again) Hair bands!
Me: (interrupting again) Dirty laundry! Wet Towels!
Dan: No…listen: pet hair, cat vomit/hairballs, or dead rodents (gifts from the cats)?
Me: Hmm….tough call. But, let’s be honest, you don’t pick up any of the cat vomit or hairballs…you just pretend you don’t see it until I clean it up.
Dan: Yeah, but I pick up ALL the dead animals.
Me: It’s like living with serial killers with colitis and chronic hair loss.
To be honest….I’m probably the one on the left, but I can also totally identify with the one on the right:
This convo happened as most do with Lauren….with no apparent rhyme or reason…just out of the blue, as we’re driving somewhere:
Lauren: You know, I’ve been thinking about Dora, mom.
Me: Dora? Like Dora the Explorer.
Lauren: Well, see…that’s thing I’ve been thinking about. She’s not much of an explorer because she always had a map. I mean, if you’ve got a map, then someone else has explored it before you and made a map. So, Dora is no explorer and that show was just one big lie.
Me: *speechless* (because…it’s true)
A colleague of mine took this lovely photo of Lauren I at the Science Olympiad:
In looking at the photo, I realized:
A.) I should’ve removed my headphone cord from around my neck.
B.) I need to whiten my teeth again.
C.) Lauren needs a haircut
D.) This child looks absolutely nothing like me.
Later, in the car, I showed Lauren the photo on my phone and said something about us looking nothing alike.
Lauren: I know. Sometimes I wonder if I’m adopted.
Me: Well, I was there and I can tell you that you weren’t. This body right here (waving my hand over my abdomen) created you. *evil “muwaahhaaahhaaa”*
Me: Though, I was just listening to this fascinating podcast about two girls who were switched at birth and didn’t find out until they were in their 40s or 50s. Maybe you were mixed up in the hospital nursery. (BTW…this is me joking, not being cruel to my kid).
Lauren: But Aunt Rhonda! I look just like Aunt Rhonda.
Dan’s sister, Aunt Rhonda (and Uncle Bill)
Me: Oh…right, Aunt Rhonda. Hmmm….well, I guess you’re ours then.
That Friday night at my in-laws house, I tell this story to family, including Aunt Rhonda who says…
Aunt Rhonda: Well, that really only proves who her father is.
Me: (LOL) Oh, man, why didn’t I think to say that? Good one, Rhonda!
Yes, she’s all Cass.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, it’s likely you’ve already seen this, but…it’s worth watching like 1,234 times because it’s going to go down in history as one of the best skits ever on SNL:
Melissa McCarthy is the bomb.
And, of course, D.T. is pissed….but mostly because angry Sean was portrayed by a woman. LOL. You’re insecurities are soooo obvious Trump. You’ve shown everyone your weakenesses…and we’re going to use them against you.
Have you seen this guy? If you find him…tell him to vote NO on DeVos and maybe remind him that although the GOP got him the job, he works for us now …well, he’s supposed to be anyway…