The more I learn about ADHD, the more I know exactly where Lauren got it from.
It’s me. All me.
And there are so many things that now make sense to me when viewed through the ADHD lens.
It’s why I hated the mall as a child and would always leave there with a headache. It was sensory overload. It was hard to take it all in and my brain is ALWAYS taking it all in – all of it. (Attention deficit disorder is a misnomer — the problem is more that we pay attention to everything…or try to.)
It’s why I hated school. I found it insanely boring, though pretty easy. Once I decided I wanted to go to college and I needed the grades to go there, I had no trouble earning them. It’s as if I finally “applied myself.” What really happened was that I had a reason to do it. I don’t do well with pointless shit. They thought I was stupid. I knew I wasn’t.
It’s why I find small talk and parties — particularly those with people I don’t know very well — intolerable. I am the one that never RSVPs because I want to keep my options open. I’m frequently a no-show (or late) and when I do go, I find small talk excruciating.
It’s why I can spend hours upon hours falling down rabbit holes and procrastinating, then write an entire 1,000-word story in an hour (and it’s good). Hyperfocus is a serious superpower.
It’s probably why I have always been able to easily read a room/people. Body language, tone of voice, word choice, gestures — the clues about what’s going on with you and why are so obvious to me that sometimes it’s overwhelming. (That’s probably why I keep most people at arm’s length.) I can spot a lie/liar a mile away. I can see your insecurities. I can tell when you don’t like your outfit, yourself, me…
It’s why I have so many questions. About everything. All of the time. My curiosity is insatiable. Google is probably the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.
It’s why I’m easily frustrated/impatient. Let’s GOOOOOOOOO!
It’s why I can never just sit and relax and why I talk/share too much.
It’s why I was suited to the newspaper business. Interview/research, write, edit, proof, check the layout. It’s on the press four hours later and we are MOVING on…. What’s next?
I didn’t know anyone with ADHD (a diagnosis anyway) when I was a child. Of course I knew hyperactive boys — the kind who were always obnoxious/annoying and getting into trouble and getting paddled in the hallway (yep, teachers could hit you back then). But, girls? Definitely not.
So I didn’t have a diagnosis or information about ADHD or medication to “manage” it. I’m not sure I ever needed it though. It all turned out fine.
I did what most Gen X kids did, I adapted, came up with workarounds, and hid what I couldn’t fix but knew I needed to keep in check.
There are hallmarks of ADHD that I definitely do not possess: I’m not impulsive. I am a planner. I’m fairly good at time management. I am organized to the nth degree.
I think becoming extremely organized was my workaround. I am a lover of lists and bullet journals and the “notes” app on my phone. I write everything down and I carry most of it with me all the time.
License plate number? Netflix login? Mom’s wifi password? Library card #? Blood type of every member of my family? Hold on…got it right here.
You should see my email inboxes: I have a system. If you are the kind (like my daughters) who leave every email they have ever received in their inbox, I can’t even look. Leave me alone with it and I will start deleting shit and making folders. I can’t help it. Clutter makes me crazy.
My mind and the way that it works is a blessing and a curse. It’s my biggest problem and my greatest strength.
It’s just me. It’s all me.
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About Just Write: Just Write is my adaptation of free writing, a technique in which a person writes continuously and quickly without little regard for spelling, grammar, or topic. It helps writers overcome blocks of apathy and explore everything from meaningful topics to mundane observations with the same effort and without the pressure of crafting perfect prose. I just start writing.
A Touch of Cass 